During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
