I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My ass is underappreciated
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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