i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
