Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
