Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
