so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
it's great music for shaving your balls
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
