no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
