I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
