just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
