I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
