when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
