I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
