On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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