I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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