Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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