she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
