Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
