party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
