THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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