Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
