we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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