Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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