im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
