No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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