singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
