I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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