Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
