Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
