Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
