You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
