My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
