True but thats because hes a fetus.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
