3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
this is an emotional support booty call
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
