I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
