Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
