Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
