So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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