I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
