First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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