Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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