There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
