I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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