I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
