I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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