drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
