Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
