i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
