Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
