I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
did you just send me my own nude
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
