were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
