Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
she told me i tasted like america
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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